Moments in Music: A Sustained Passion

About a month ago I had what was arguably one of my most crystalline formative moments in music; it wasn't, however, a concert or lesson, a great recording or a book. What happened, didn't. That is to say, it was the absence of something, and not the occurrence or presence of something that triggered my catharsis.

What so deeply moved me was a reconsideration of some of the core principles I hold as a performer, a musician.

I was spurred to reaffirm the ideals I hold by the cancellation of a piece on the program of a chamber concert in which I was a part. This isn't to say that a piece should never be removed from a program- there are certainly times (and this was one of those) when it detracts less from a program to remove a work than it does to play it at an inferior level.

What bothered me was that when the orchestra was asked to argue to keep it or explain why we needed to drop it, the almost unanimously agreed response was that we "simply were not passionate about [this piece]" That answer did not sit well with me, and as such I reaffirmed the following value:

Music is a gift, always. The reason we perform is because we share this gift with others. The source of unabashed performance is the realization of this; that we are not trying to give a perfect performance, we are trying to share as much music as possible with an audience.
As such, a musician should always have passion. This is not to say they must always like the piece they are performing. I know that I've not always enjoyed performing a piece, and there is a lot of music that I just don't like. What that does not justify, however, is a lack of passion.
The source of a musician's passion is not the individual music, or the single work. It must be Music in a general way; a passion for sharing music and realizing the music on a page, whether we personally enjoy it or not. To play without this passion simply because we ourselves do not enjoy it is a selfish turn of the gift.

If we choose not to play a work to our fullest, we deny the use of our gift to the fullest. We are holding back part of our gift, and whether you believe that is part of worship to God, a gift to fellow Men, or a realization of a composer's art it is inherently self-centered and self-serving.
To lack passion on one piece because we do not like it shows a lack of integrity, telling of other shortcomings in ourselves. And how can we expect to succeed as musicians if we only play well that which we like? This will not keep a job with a symphony, to be sure.
It is a truth that to lack passion on one piece because we dislike it is to admit that we are not musicians.

To play passionately but lack the ability to
perform a piece is one thing;
To be able and lack the passion is another.

It is to abuse the gift.

When we canceled one movement with the rationale that we lacked the passion to play it properly, we spent a concert as selfish individuals, not musicians, and that grieved me.

Soli Deo gloria.